Tag Archives: marriage

A Gift

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A GiftA few weeks ago, we celebrated the girls birthdays. The kids couldn’t wait until present time and not just the birthday girls, but their friends too.  Each guest took time to thoughtfully think of the best gift. As Victoria and Kayla unwrapped each of their gifts, I don’t know who was more excited, them or their friends. The girls smiled and giggled with delight after opening their gifts. It’s everything they wanted and more!

A year later that wonderful gift doesn’t look so great anymore. It’s not as perfect as they once thought. After staring at it every day, they begin to see flaws and imperfections…the newness has faded and they don’t want it any longer.

One of the greatest gifts, you will ever receive, comes from The Lord and it’s your spouse. God has searched the world, for just the right one for you. The day you received your spouse was wonderful. You couldn’t find anything wrong with them, they were perfect. Now after a couple of years, you see their imperfections. You critique every inch of them. Your list of exceptions are five pages long, but let me enlighten you…Your gift is human. They will speak their mind if pushed, they will bleed if they’re cut, they can’t grant you joy, they are human.

Today receive your gift as what it is. Treasure it, take care of it, adore, protect, and love it with all your heart. Then let God handle all the other details.

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’  and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” -Matthew 19:4-6

Speak so Your Spouse Understands

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Love Imagine giving a presentation to a group of people from China and they don’t speak English. You shout, you use your arms, and point to things all in hopes to get your point across. After you have finished your presentation, your guests smile and politely walk out of the room. They felt your passion and saw your effort, but nothing was accomplished because of the language barrier.

The same goes for our marriage. We can present our spouse with lavish gifts and hours of quality time, but unless that is their primary love language, your acts are in vain. Communication is key in a healthy marriage, starting with our ability to communicate our love for our spouse. Don’t leave your spouse guessing how much you love them, learn their love language and speak it fluently.

For more guidance in this area, I recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Tuesday Truth (Marriage)

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The word “try” can often be used as an excuse, but when something important to us comes up, we will then replace “try” with “I will”. No person is perfect, which means no marriage is perfect. Each marriage and every marriage has issues, but the difference between the ones that make it and the ones that don’t, use two key words…”WE WILL”. Choose today to make your spouse a priority. Remove “try” from your marriage vocabulary and replace it with “I will/we will”.

I will put God first.
I will put my husband second.
I will put my kids third.
I will wake up early.
I will serve my husband.
I will be the helpmate God designed me to be.
I will pray for my husband.
I will be strong.
I will be tender.
I will be compassionate.
I will be patient.
I will be reaffirming.
I will be encouraging.
I will be forgiving.
I will be positive.
I will be humble.
I will be submissive.
I will be organized.
I will be loving.
“I will” because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Prayer:
Dear Lord, watch over our marriage. May the hurtful words be quickly forgotten and replaced with words of love and forgiveness, always. May the walls that have been built be destroyed in your name. Help couples to see no marriage is perfect, but with your help it can be close to it. Give us the strength to stay strong and to fight for one of the most important things you could ever give us, our marriage. And help us each to remove “try” from our lips and replace it with “I will”.
Amen

Proverbs 19:14
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.

Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 31:10
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Forgetting the Order

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#2Around eight o’clock, in the morning, my husband comes home from the gym. I’m usually making breakfast for the kids, packing Kayla’s lunch for pre-school, and attending to our one year old, all while eating my breakfast standing up. This is my norm, but there is something missing in the equation…my husband! There were times he asked me to make him breakfast and I would smart off something like, “can’t you see how busy I am?” He has also asked me, to make his lunch and I would say, “I don’t have time this morning”. He had heard these answers for so long that he stop asking and it broke my heart, once I realized what I had been doing.

I was so use to juggling everything for our four young children that I had placed him last after their needs. This is not the order God has planned for marriage. Your husband must be your number two, right after God, not your number three, four, or five. You are here to serve him, help him, and support him!

Women can develop blurred vision when they become a mother. They take on this responsibility of caring and nurturing for a child and lose sight of dad, their mate, their husband. I want to help you today get your vision corrected. Here are some ways to strengthen your focus.

1. Get up earlier than normal, so you have enough time to take care of your husband’s needs as well as your children’s.
2. Go to bed early or at least a decent hour so you are able to remain strong throughout the day. The last thing your husband wants, is to see an exhausted wife laying on the couch, after he has been working all day.
3. Practice telling your kids to wait instead of your husband. Unless it is a life threatening matter, they can wait.
4. Make it a habit to say yes or sure when your husband asks for something.
5. Pray for him, everyday, all day. When you are continually praying and thinking about someone how could you push their needs aside.

In Matthew 6:21 it says, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also”…in this case, I want you to think where is all your time and effort going. Over investing in your children and under investing in your husband can cause problems that can lead to horrific conclusions. It’s not too late. Evaluate your vision. Once you do, I guarantee your husband will look better than you have ever seen him before!

Elizabeth George says it best in her book A Woman After God’s Own Heart, “Nothing just happens, including great marriages! As much as you and I might desire to be a wife who lovingly supports her husband, such loving support comes only with planning.” So plan alone times, plan dates, plan special dinners and plan special deeds of kindness, then reap a happy husband and a healthy marriage.

Dear God, help us to correct our order of priorities. Give us wisdom on how to organize our time and our day. Thank you for blessing each of us with a man that leads and supports our family. May we honor our husband by placing him second after You, therefore obeying Your Word. In Jesus Name, Amen

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
~Ephesians 5:22-24

 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
~Ephesians 5:31-33

Remember When…

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Remember When“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:7-8

Remember that very special day. It was one of the most exciting times of your life. You were planning to marry the man of your dreams. He was everything you needed and wanted. You couldn’t wait to walk down the aisle so you could start your happy ever after story.

The first year was amazing. He was perfect, he couldn’t do anything wrong. Date night was every night. You stayed up late laughing at the craziest things, you enjoyed playing house together. He was your best friend and nothing could come between you both.

Now fast forward four or five or maybe ten or twenty years. You are beginning to lose your patience and the things that were once cute, aren’t so cute anymore.

I want to encourage the wives to remember when…remember when you put him first over your children and your career…remember when you thought he was your everything…and remember why you married the man of your dreams.

Our marriages can get cloudy after a while, feelings get hurt, walls are built and you wonder what happened to your happily ever after. First, we must realize we can’t change anyone…so don’t waste your breath nagging your husband, this will only cause more issues in your marriage. Instead we must pray for our spouse everyday. Second, don’t allow yourself to feed negative thoughts in your head about your husband this will add more problems. And third, evaluate yourself, how have you changed since you got married. Do you put your husband on the back burner, where he boils over because that’s the only way he’ll get attention?

If so, remember when… and make it a priority to pray everyday for your husband and your marriage.

Heavenly Father, I ask you to touch the marriages across this world. I pray you help us all to remember the day we said “I do” and the commitment we made to our husband before you and our family. Help heal the hearts that have been hurt by harsh words or actions and let forgiveness take place. Thank you for giving us a companion we can share our dreams and aspirations with, thank you for the marriage promise. May we draw closer to our spouse as we draw closer to you. In Jesus Name Amen.

Six Letter Word…

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six letter wordLast Monday I wrote about respect, today I want to talk about a six letter word…one of the most dreaded words by females. Many women ignore this word, rebuke this word, and down right hate this word! So, what is this six letter word that has caused so much controversy…submit. Yes, I said it, submit. Before you start burning bras and yelling at the top of your lungs, “equality!”…hear me out.

There are many different things I could say about submitting, but for time sake let me hit on just a few. The first thing I would like to say is, God does not value the husband more than wife. In Romans 2:11 and Acts 10:34 it tells us, “For God does not show favoritism.” Also in Galatians 3:28 it says, “nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Now that you know God does not see your husband as his favorite child lets move on.

I want to take a look at Philippians 2:5-8, the word says, “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” Wow, even though Christ is equal to God, he did not go against Him. Instead, Jesus subordinated Himself to the will of the Father in order to carry out the plan of redemption. As we, the wife, should also submit ourselves to our husband so that God’s plan for the family can be carried out. Just imagine the chaos and arguing in the household of a family where the wife is constantly going against her husband. God is a God of order (1 Corinthians 14:33).

We each have a role. The wife’s role is not inferior, but her role is different. The Lord God says, in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” God knew that our husband would need help. We were created for the man’s sake not the other way around.

To be a Proverbs 31 wife, you will need to add this six letter word to your life and then you can walk in complete joy knowing you are honoring God’s command.

Dear Lord, help each wife to see submission through the eyes of Christ and not through the opinions of the world. I pray every negative thought that we may have on submission is replaced with Your words of truth. In Jesus Name Amen

Where is the Respect?

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RespectHowever, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly] Ephesians 5:33 (The Amplified Bible)

It’s easier to find money on the side of the road than it is to find respect. But we are called and commanded by God to respect our husbands, so why don’t we do it?

For starters, I believe some people are simply not taught how to respect our husband. We might have never seen our mom respecting our dad, so what would make us think we needed to do so when we got married. Society can also play a role in how we treat our husband, just watch a couple of tv shows…you will most likely hear the wife putting down the husband, talking down to her husband and then making fun of her husband behind his back. We have gotten so far away from what the word has told us to do that we think these shows are normal and to respect your husband is humiliating. Wow, have we got it backwards.

Like it or not, husbands have been given authority over their families by God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “…the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” I know this is not a popular scripture, even among Christians (which is sad), but never the less, it is truth.

Have you ever watched a man who’s married to a woman that stands beside him, encourages him daily, supports and respects his decisions? If you look closely, you will see a man that walks with pride and confidence. Now watch the man who is belittled by his wife multiple times a day and inappropriately contradicted in front of others…this man walks insecure and will even question his decision making.

Below are some questions to self examine yourself and your level of respect for your husband. If there is any question, ask your husband what he thinks.

1. Do you speak to your husband in a condescending, “put down” manner?
“What’s the matter with you?”
“What you said is ridiculous.”
“You’re too slow, I’ll do it myself.”
2. Do you treat your husband in private as respectfully as you do your pastor, your neighbor, or your friends in public?
3. Does your countenance show your disrespect by angry looks, looks of disgust, crossed arms, etc?
4. Do you bring up his shortcomings to others?
5. Do you compare him unfavorably with other men?

Remember your husband shouldn’t have to earn your respect, it’s something you choose to show him…regardless of your circumstance and in spite of your feelings.

God help us to respect the man you have put over our household. Help us to see we can empower our husband with our words and how we can also cripple him with our disrespect. Give us wisdom to know when to speak and patience for the times we should hold our tongue. May we set the right example for our children in the way we respect their father, so others can say our husband is truly blessed. In Jesus Name Amen

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
Proverbs 12:4A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:10-12

Lack of Communication and Hurt Feelings

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It was Thursday afternoon and my hubby was coming home! He had only been away for a couple of nights, but I missed him and couldn’t wait to see him. His flight was to land around 6:15pm, just around dinner time, and I know he doesn’t like to eat late.  I also knew he would want to stop by the house we are building to check on the progress, so I started cooking dinner and planned to bring it with me…this way he could eat a hot cooked meal in the car while I drove.  I was so excited that I had figured this all out, I just knew he would be thankful.
It was 6:20pm and I was pulling in to the airport to pick up my husband. Everyone was excited to see Daddy. Once the kids settled down l looked over at him and said, “I have your dinner for you,” with a great big smile! Then he informed me he had already eaten!
At the moment I could have been very crushed and taken it personal, but thankfully I wasn’t. It was my fault for not asking if he had planned to eat before he boarded the plane.
Communication is so important in marriage. We often get our feelings hurt because we didn’t communicate to our spouse our plans, instead we just assume which can cause an unnecessary argument.
No, my husband didn’t eat the dinner that I brought him that night, but he did notice that I was thinking of him and his needs. And that was good enough for me!

10 for 10

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WeddingMy husband and I just celebrated our ten-year anniversary! I can’t believe we have been married that long…it just seems like yesterday we were at Barnes and Noble studying for a Psychology exam.

We have learned a few things these past ten years of our marriage. We aren’t here to say we have it all figured out because that is far from the truth but we do have some tips to share for couples just starting out.

The list below is our 10 tips in honor of our 10 years of marriage. There is no order to the list, we believe all are important. There is only one exception…number one, must always stay number one, God.

1. GOD
By putting God first, you are dying to self. God helps us to keep our priorities straight, our focus and goals aligned with his. When we take our eyes off our Father, we tend to draw them to ourselves, which can create multiple problems between you and your spouse.

2. COMMUNICATION
Everyone knows communication is important, but we still lack in this area. We expect our spouse to know what we want and need all the time, but our spouse is not a mind reader. We must verbalize our thoughts and feelings, leave the guessing and assuming out!

3. FORGIVENESS
In Colossians 3:13 it says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Nothing is worth your marriage. It might not be easy sometimes but we need to learn to swallow our pride and ask for forgiveness. Here’s one more scripture that sticks out, it’s found in Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. I know personally there have been times in my early years of marriage that one of us went to bed upset with the other. This only caused more problems. Find a way to talk about the issue before you lay your head down at night.

4. KNOW YOUR SPOUSE
You could give your spouse gifts until you run out of money, but if that isn’t their love language you are doing it all in vain.

5. SEX
God gave married couples the greatest gift ever, sex! Just a small three-letter word that can super glue your marriage together or build a wall between you and your spouse that make you feel like roommates instead lovers.

6. DATES
Schedule, plan, make the time and have fun with your best friend. When little ones come you can get lost in the daily, weekly, and eventually yearly demands that come along with them. It’s easy to push your marriage to the back burner but by doing so you will wake up one morning laying beside a stranger.

7. NEVER LET ANYTHING BECOME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE
Money, children, in-laws, jobs, etc. can place wedges between you and your spouse…Don’t let them. Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

8. SUPPORT
We all need support but even more from our best friend, our spouse. A perfect example of this in the movie Cinderella Man. Jim Braddock chooses to fight Max Baer, a man known for killing men in the ring. Mae Braddock does not support her husband in this decision. Jim just can’t get his head on right knowing his woman isn’t behind him in this decision, but as soon as she comes to let him know she stands behind him, a load is lifted off his shoulders. There is nothing that can defeat this man, now that he knows his girl supports him.

9. THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!
It doesn’t do anyone any good to envy the marriages of friends or family. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Comparing your marriage or your spouse is dangerous, don’t do it!

10. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!