We have learned a few things these past ten years of our marriage. We aren’t here to say we have it all figured out because that is far from the truth but we do have some tips to share for couples just starting out.
The list below is our 10 tips in honor of our 10 years of marriage. There is no order to the list, we believe all are important. There is only one exception…number one, must always stay number one, God.
By putting God first, you are dying to self. God helps us to keep our priorities straight, our focus and goals aligned with his. When we take our eyes off our Father, we tend to draw them to ourselves, which can create multiple problems between you and your spouse.
Everyone knows communication is important, but we still lack in this area. We expect our spouse to know what we want and need all the time, but our spouse is not a mind reader. We must verbalize our thoughts and feelings, leave the guessing and assuming out!
In Colossians 3:13 it says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Nothing is worth your marriage. It might not be easy sometimes but we need to learn to swallow our pride and ask for forgiveness. Here’s one more scripture that sticks out, it’s found in Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. I know personally there have been times in my early years of marriage that one of us went to bed upset with the other. This only caused more problems. Find a way to talk about the issue before you lay your head down at night.
4. KNOW YOUR SPOUSE
You could give your spouse gifts until you run out of money, but if that isn’t their love language you are doing it all in vain.
God gave married couples the greatest gift ever, sex! Just a small three-letter word that can super glue your marriage together or build a wall between you and your spouse that make you feel like roommates instead lovers.
Schedule, plan, make the time and have fun with your best friend. When little ones come you can get lost in the daily, weekly, and eventually yearly demands that come along with them. It’s easy to push your marriage to the back burner but by doing so you will wake up one morning laying beside a stranger.
7. NEVER LET ANYTHING BECOME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE
Money, children, in-laws, jobs, etc. can place wedges between you and your spouse…Don’t let them. Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
We all need support but even more from our best friend, our spouse. A perfect example of this in the movie Cinderella Man. Jim Braddock chooses to fight Max Baer, a man known for killing men in the ring. Mae Braddock does not support her husband in this decision. Jim just can’t get his head on right knowing his woman isn’t behind him in this decision, but as soon as she comes to let him know she stands behind him, a load is lifted off his shoulders. There is nothing that can defeat this man, now that he knows his girl supports him.
9. THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!
It doesn’t do anyone any good to envy the marriages of friends or family. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Comparing your marriage or your spouse is dangerous, don’t do it!
10. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!