Tag Archives: marriage

Let’s Get Physical

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Have you ever felt disconnected, separated, like you were living with a roommate instead of your spouse?

The roommate syndrome is very common. It can happen at any time during the marriage. For us, it occurred between the third and fourth child. I love my husband and took care of him, but the butterflies had flown away. To be totally honest, life got busy. If I wasn’t pregnant, I was breastfeeding, and if I wasn’t breastfeeding I was pregnant. I had four kids within six years. I worked and homeschooled during all my pregnancies. I allowed my children to consume me…I was depleted and exhausted…there was nothing left to give my husband.

I could feel the separation, actually it was more like the Great Wall of China. One thing I started noticing was the lack of flirting and where was his eyes, not on me, how about his hands? I had pushed him away so far that there was nothing left but a cold environment of two roommates coming in and out of a house. One bringing in the pay check to pay the bills, the other was a CEO of the house.

20141006-112729.jpgI never stopped loving my husband and vice versa, but the sparks and fireworks were snuffed out. If you feel like you are living this way now, let me encourage you to pray. Fight for your marriage, ask God to help you to be the best husband or wife you can be, to awaken the passion and to open your eyes to your spouse’s needs. Second, go to your husband/wife and ask them to forgive you. Don’t expect it in return, it’s about you and your part. Let God take care of your spouse in His timing. Then, you guessed it…the fun part…let’s get physical, physical…a hand on their leg as you watch tv, a back rub as you walk by them in the kitchen, or even eye contact in the midst of a party to let them know they are the only one you really care about. Roommates don’t touch, but newly married couples can’t keep their hands off each other! I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the a newlywed marriage over a roommate relationship any day.

Let me leave you with this; Even though the cloud has been cleared from your vision, it doesn’t mean it has for the love of your life. Be patient, avoid nagging, pressuring, or ingenuine affection. The Colosseum wasn’t built in a day. Continue to pray and even fast, then patiently wait for God’s most radiant pyrotechnics show!

More Than Happiness

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20140928-201913.jpg“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” -Gary Thomas

The truth is, marriage makes us confront our ugly that we may have ignored before. Just try to walk around the house with an attitude for a couple of days, or couple of hours in our house, it won’t last long without noticing. Our spouse challenges us in good and sometimes bad ways. Thankfully, we have God to lean on, in times of frustration, when the wrong buttons have been pushed.

We need to accept and remember from the moment we said “I do” you gave up “me” and replaced it with “us”. You quickly learn not everything you do is perfect and your opinions are not facts. Marriage is amusing, intriguing, and beautiful, but it’s design is greater than our happiness.

Marriage provides growth as an individual and as a Christian. It is a constant reminder of what commitment and covenant means. It also teaches us how to forgive time and time again, like our Heavenly Father forgives us.

Friend, the moment you think your marriage is all about “your” happiness, you’re in trouble.

 

 

Marriage Mentor

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20140901-073951.jpg“….When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

The enemy will say whatever it takes to bring division in your marriage.
I encourage you to pray for a marriage mentor. Someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. This can be a difficult thing to seek out. This is why I strongly recommend asking God to direct your decisions and discernment for the right mentor.

By having a mentor, the devil’s lies will not be effective. That mentor will be able to speak truth in the darkness. They will also provide accountability, wisdom, and encouragement. You don’t have to feel alone, God has people waiting to stand beside you. Ask him today to reveal that person.

 

Imperfect….

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Social media can paint a pretty picture of perfection. Allow me to shine some truth in this area…there are NO perfect marriages! The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it. We are all humans, filled with imperfections. Remove the false ideas from your mind, shower your spouse and marriage with grace, love, and forgiveness! No picture looks the same, paint your masterpiece with God’s help and leave comparison to the athletes.

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Can the body separate?

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20140808-152446.jpgHave you ever said to yourself, “Why did I marry this man? What did I see in him? He doesn’t even love me and I don’t think I love him either.”

If the answer is yes, then picture with me this: Does the leg say to the body, “I don’t like the direction you are walking, therefore I’m going to find another body to belong to.” Or does the body say to the head, “I don’t like how you think, so I’m leaving to find another head that agrees with me.” No, because they are one. Ephesians 5:31 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” The term “one flesh” means that just as our bodies are one whole entity and cannot be divided into pieces, so God intended it to be with marriage. There are no longer two individuals, but now there is one entity (a married couple)…Therefore, how can we separate from our body?

I know there are challenges in marriage. Some of our deepest emotional wounds can come from our spouse. They are the closest to our heart and know how to reach places that should not be reached, but that is not a reason to gruesomely pull “the body” apart.

When these thoughts come into your mind, you must stop them immediately. Do not feed or meditate on them…Instead, pray and replace them with promises of God’s love and truth.

My prayer today is for the married couples that are suffering, the ones that are ready to throw in the towel. God I ask you to speak to their hearts. I pray forgiveness takes place, pride gives in, and walls are crushed. Only you know the personal struggle each couple is facing this week, give them the strength to press on. Allow healing to take place where words have ripped them to the core. You are a miracle working God, not just in our health, but in our marriages and these marriages are sick…they are depleted and exhausted. I pray for a breath of fresh air and an amazing amount of love to wash over these marriages today. In Jesus Name Amen

*The above blog is not referring to emotional or physical abuse. Please talk to someone if abuse is happening in your marriage.

 

 

Do You Have The Regulator?

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HawaiiMarriage is made up of two people from different upbringings, personalities, ways of thinking, and maybe even different cultures. With all that going on, you add financial strain, pressures of work, a house to maintain and a couple of kids to raise and you have a pressure cooker ready to pop, unless…you have God at your center.

At the top of a pressure cooker is a regulator. The regulator releases the steam from inside the pot when it has built up. God is our regulator.

A couple of days a go my feelings were hurt by my husband. At that moment I could have exploded, put up a wall or even left the house, but I didn’t. Instead, I went to my closet and cried out to Jesus. I allowed Him to regulate the steam that was built up inside of me. I allowed God to remove the “me” out of the situation.

If ever you think you can handle your marriage on your own, be careful. It will be only a matter of time before you see an explosion! Don’t wait until it’s too late…ask God to be the regulator in your life and your marriage. Allow him to remove the steam and for healing to take place.

 

With this Ring

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PrayYour husband needs your prayers in every part of his life. From the moment he wakes up there’s battle for his mind and heart. The enemy knows if he can take the husband down, the family will also fall!

Let your ring serve as a reminder. When you’re folding laundry and you feel your ring move, pray for your husband. When you’re driving around town and the sun shines on it, pray for your husband.

Your husband won’t only benefit from it, so will your marriage.

For more on praying for your husband, click here.

 

Silent Expectations

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ExpectationsWhen I worked at Disney on Saturdays, during the summer as a photographer, my days were long and exhausting. Standing outside in 99 degree weather for 8 to 10 hours, smiling and talking to guest, one after another, would drain the energy out of me. The last thing I wanted, was to come home to a messy house with no food. My expectations could be for my husband to have dinner ready and the house cleaned, but if I walked in the door and this wasn’t the case, I would be disappointed and even frustrated. However, if I expected nothing and came home to a cooked meal, I would be surprised and grateful. Expectations can lead to disappointment. When we expect nothing, everything becomes a surprise. You are also more grateful in the situations that you expect less.

Take the expectations and pressure off your spouse. If something means that much to you, tell them, but don’t hold silent expectations, that can cause resentment and bitterness.

 

Kissing

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KISSOne kiss, two kisses, three…Every morning the kids and I walk Daddy to his car. We each take our turn giving him hugs and kisses, but mine are extra special. When he’s in a hurry or has a lot on his mind he may only kiss me once, but most of the times I get at least two. The first one is always routine, but the second and third are electrifying. They say, I don’t only like you, but I still love you with all my heart and being, I care about you, and you are the one and only!

Kissing may indeed help maintain that bond; the researchers found that more frequent kissing in a relationship was linked to the quality of the relationship (realitycheck.com), so kiss away my married couples. Don’t let the most simple of act die away from your marriage. This little gesture is the rainbow sprinkles in your marriage and can be just the thing that keeps it flavorful!