Category Archives: Marriage

Praying for Your Husband

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She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
~Proverbs 31:12

As I iron my husband’s work clothes this morning I say a prayer over him. It is crucial we pray for our spouse everyday. Our husband carries a weight we will never know and the devil is ready at anytime to bring him down (Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Peter 5:8). For he knows if he can take down the husband he can take down the family!

When I pray for my husband I like to start where the biggest battles are fought, their mind. Some of the things I pray for are pure thoughts, discernment and wisdom. I continue down his body and pray for his ears to hear the voice of God in his daily walk with Him. I pray his mouth would be used to encourage and strengthen others. I pray that his shoulders would not carry heavy burdens, but that he would place them in his Father’s hands. When I get to his hands I pray over his job, the company and the role he plays. The heart can also be a place of battle, during this time I pray for our marriage and God’s protection over it. Then I continue on and pray that his legs stay strong so, that his body can continue doing the work God has called for him. Last, but not least, I pray that God guides his feet daily. These are just a few examples of things I pray when talking to the Lord about my husband.

Your prayer doesn’t  need to be the same, just praying over your spouse is the key.

As a teacher leads a class, a sergeant leads men into battle, and a pastor leads a church, so our husbands lead our family.

God help me to continue to be a praying wife. Help us to see the importance of praying for our spouse daily. For as we pray for them, we are praying for ourselves…for we are one. Let us also remember to be thankful for our spouse and their relationship, in your mighty name. Amen.

10 for 10

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WeddingMy husband and I just celebrated our ten-year anniversary! I can’t believe we have been married that long…it just seems like yesterday we were at Barnes and Noble studying for a Psychology exam.

We have learned a few things these past ten years of our marriage. We aren’t here to say we have it all figured out because that is far from the truth but we do have some tips to share for couples just starting out.

The list below is our 10 tips in honor of our 10 years of marriage. There is no order to the list, we believe all are important. There is only one exception…number one, must always stay number one, God.

1. GOD
By putting God first, you are dying to self. God helps us to keep our priorities straight, our focus and goals aligned with his. When we take our eyes off our Father, we tend to draw them to ourselves, which can create multiple problems between you and your spouse.

2. COMMUNICATION
Everyone knows communication is important, but we still lack in this area. We expect our spouse to know what we want and need all the time, but our spouse is not a mind reader. We must verbalize our thoughts and feelings, leave the guessing and assuming out!

3. FORGIVENESS
In Colossians 3:13 it says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Nothing is worth your marriage. It might not be easy sometimes but we need to learn to swallow our pride and ask for forgiveness. Here’s one more scripture that sticks out, it’s found in Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. I know personally there have been times in my early years of marriage that one of us went to bed upset with the other. This only caused more problems. Find a way to talk about the issue before you lay your head down at night.

4. KNOW YOUR SPOUSE
You could give your spouse gifts until you run out of money, but if that isn’t their love language you are doing it all in vain.

5. SEX
God gave married couples the greatest gift ever, sex! Just a small three-letter word that can super glue your marriage together or build a wall between you and your spouse that make you feel like roommates instead lovers.

6. DATES
Schedule, plan, make the time and have fun with your best friend. When little ones come you can get lost in the daily, weekly, and eventually yearly demands that come along with them. It’s easy to push your marriage to the back burner but by doing so you will wake up one morning laying beside a stranger.

7. NEVER LET ANYTHING BECOME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE
Money, children, in-laws, jobs, etc. can place wedges between you and your spouse…Don’t let them. Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

8. SUPPORT
We all need support but even more from our best friend, our spouse. A perfect example of this in the movie Cinderella Man. Jim Braddock chooses to fight Max Baer, a man known for killing men in the ring. Mae Braddock does not support her husband in this decision. Jim just can’t get his head on right knowing his woman isn’t behind him in this decision, but as soon as she comes to let him know she stands behind him, a load is lifted off his shoulders. There is nothing that can defeat this man, now that he knows his girl supports him.

9. THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!
It doesn’t do anyone any good to envy the marriages of friends or family. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Comparing your marriage or your spouse is dangerous, don’t do it!

10. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!

Super Bowl Half Time Show

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My husband is a HUGE sports lover. His two favorite things to watch on TV is football and basketball. I made the decision when we got married, to join him rather than fight him about it, even though I’m the kind of person that would rather play the sport than watch the sport. I might not scream at the TV like him but we dress up and support our team.

With that said, yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday. We went to church, grilled out, played football in the back yard with the kids and just enjoyed our day off as a family. When 6 o’clock came around the girls and I started cooking up some yummy snacks to munch on…creamy spinach dip with pumpernickel bread, fresh homemade salsa, fresh cut fruits and some warm yummy brownies (that was my snack choice). The first half of the game was fun, a little yelling and laughing, everyone was enjoying themselves. There were a couple of commercials that were not rated kid friendly, so the girls walked out of the room or closed their eyes. I was just waiting to see what the half time show was going to be all about, what was Beyonce going to do? I already knew it was something I wouldn’t want the girls to watch because of the songs she would be singing but I never even consider what she might be wearing or the way she would be dancing. Two seconds into the presentation, I had the girls go into a different room.

Big picture, would I want our girls wearing a bathing suit/lingerie on stage? NO! Would I want our girls moving their bodies in a way to get all the wrong attention from every guy out there? NO! Do I want our girls learning lyrics like, “Ladies if you love your man, show him you the fliest / Grind up on it, girl, show him how you ride it.” ? Ummm…NO!

I have told others before that I’m a strict Mama. But it’s more than being strict, it’s about character, about values, about self worth. I have the honor of raising four beautiful children. Their minds have come to me pure and clean, ready to learn and thrive. They were not given to me to be tainted with impure thoughts and lust. Think with me about the saying a picture is worth more than a thousand words, WHAT PICTURES ARE WE LETTING OUR CHILDREN COLLECT IN THEIR MIND?

I’m starting a half time super bowl tradition next year, “Paper Football Zone”. Basically, you take a paper football and try to flick across a table into the uprights a person makes on the other end of a table or you could see who could flick the football the furthest. I have a year to plan it and I know it will not include sitting in front of the TV watching the “half time show!”

If you have a half time tradition, let me know. I would like to see what kind of fun I can come up with for the kids next year.

WHAT THE WORD SAYS:

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the gentiles who do not know God;”

Matthew 5:28 “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Help Meet

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“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an HELP MEET for him…And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam…and he took one of his ribs…And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man” (Genesis 2:18, 21-22)

Help meet, what does that even mean? Let’s start with the two words (help-meet), which is to say Eve was created to be a helper (noun) who was meet (adjective), suited to Adam’s needs. Now before all the strong powerful wives get crazy on me, take a deep breath. What I’m sharing is in the word of God, so if you feel your blood pressure rising, step away and take some time to ask God to open your heart to his perfect call on your life as a wife, then come back and read the rest.

Being a help meet doesn’t make us inferior to our husband’s, it means we are there to make him more productive and efficient at whatever he chooses to do.

Taking on the role as the help meet, requires a woman to be wise, smart, strong, selfless, attentive, available and able to help in many different tasks (by the way if you missed the description in the sentence above, a help meet is the opposite of a weak frail girl). Being that help meet to my husband has me doing different tasks inside our home and sometimes outside home, whatever it takes to help him. About three years a go, I took a step back and evaluated our family time. My husband was working between 45 and 50 hours a week and when he made it home he was still plugged (phone calls, emails, texts) in at times. The weekend would come and he would spend another two to three hours working outside away from the family. That’s when I realized if we wanted more time with daddy, I needed to step it up. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t guarantee us more free time but it does mean we can prioritize our time and tasks. I began mowing our lawn every other week giving my husband more time to relax and enjoy our family. Mowing the lawn might not be for every wife. Your husband might not want you to do the outside work but you won’t know until you ask.

When you are a help meet to your husband, you are a helper to Christ, for God commissioned man for a purpose and gave him a woman to assist in fulfilling that divine calling.  God has given us the instruction, it is up to us if we choose to obey and honor our husbands and then ultimately honoring God our Father, “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but she that causeth shame is rottenness in his bones. ” (Proverbs 12:4) It is our job to learn how we can help our husbands in every way possible and as strong, wise, confident, and able women of God, the possibilities are endless.

Further Info on being a Help Meet: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl (I like and dis-agree with some things in this book but you can read it for yourself and ask God to show you his perfect plan as a help meet.)

Freshen Up!

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A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

Being a stay-at-home mom of four little ones under the age of 8 is such a blessing, but it can also be draining. It can be draining emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. I’m on the go 24/7. There’s teaching, cooking, cleaning, feeding, changing, washing and anything else that has a “ing” in. It easy to lose sight of what we might look like at the end of the day.

Now picture with me your husband coming home after being at work all day. Hold up, don’t get crazy on me women, hear me out. He walks in the door the kids are running around, crumbs are all over the floor, and he looks up to see you with a yellow stained t-shirt, hair all crazy every way, bags under your eyes, and lets not even talk about your breath. Now again I know, it’s been a hard day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take five minutes and freshen up for your husband.

When we get married, our husbands should continue to be complimenting us, pursuing us, dating us, and telling us how much he loves.  As for us women, we should continue to be aware of our looks for our husbands.

I remember saying to a friend one day, “Well, he’s married to me now so I don’t have to worry about what I look like”. Wow, really, Bethany? Thankfully God opened my eyes to a bigger picture and gave me wisdom about being a wife.

Freshening up doesn’t have to take an hour or two. Just enough time to put on a shirt without stains and the smell of spit up, comb your hair so it doesn’t look like you stuck your hand in a light socket, brush your teeth so your breath smells like when you were dating (you know what I’m talking about), and maybe put a squirt of perfume on. Then take some time to refresh your inner self, five or ten minutes to just relax, a couple of deep breaths, praying or even singing a couple of worship songs. Something that helps you smile from the inside out! No one wants to come home to a grumpy, frowny,  up tight lump.

Trust me it won’t just be for him but it will also give you a little pep in your walk and you’ll need it when it’s time to clean the messy kitchen after dinner.

My Number Two

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Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.

Psalms 127:1

The divorce rates are between 40% and 50% in America today. Why do almost half of all marriages end in divorce? It’s very simple.

God designed a priorities list for married couples. It consist of putting God first, your spouse second, your children third, work fourth and so on. When we change the order in any way, we will encounter problems.

Having four kids all under the ages of 7 can really challenge the priorities list for me as the Mama. To be honest, I have to make a conscious effort to remember that my husband should be my number two and not all my little ones.

Friday, my number two made reservations at Disney’s Flying Fish Cafe. Since I’m still nursing we brought our little guy with us. I said a prayer before we went inside that he would be good and would take a nice restful nap. God answered that prayer and he did not wake the entire time we were at the restaurant! We feasted on Crispy Maine Coast Jonah Crab Cakes, Lobster Bisque, Red Snapper, New York Strip Steak, and an amazing dessert! Oh the dessert, don’t even get me started…okay, now that I mentioned it, I have to tell you about the dessert.  We delighted in Caramelized Banana Napoleon, Beurre Noisette Milk Chocolate Mousse, and Creme Brulee.  The food needless to say, was amazing, but the company of my number two was even better!

Take time to schedule date nights!  Make sure to put the kids to bed early so you can enjoy time together as a couple without interruptions.  It’s very important to build your life upon number one, but it is also important to know who that number one put as number two!

If we choose to ignore God’s design, we might wake up one day with a cold bed.